Get Set for Success.
It’s so easy to focus on the reactive strategies to difficult behavior; “He hit the dog. What should I do?” However, it’s arguably MORE important to focus on proactive behavior management strategies when we look at both behavior reduction and skill acquisition. Let’s take a look at some strategies that will set your child up for success!
CAUGHT YOU BEING GOOD: Provide praise when the child is behaving appropriately. Remember the blog post about the functions of behavior (attention, access to tangibles, escape)? There are two sides to this coin: honoring appropriate requests/refusals, and praising a child’s compliance when they’re told no/asked to do something.
Praise your child when they gain your attention appropriately, even if it’s an inconvenient time for you (attention).
Give your child the iPad when it is requested appropriately OR reward them when they give it up nicely (access to tangibles).
Honor a calm and appropriate request to stop a non-preferred activity OR reward the child for completing non-preferred activities appropriately (escape).
Though it is not always possible to do these things, try for once per day. If you don’t honor the appropriate alternative, then your child will quickly realize that screaming and yelling work more efficiently in getting their way than asking nicely!
REVIEW EXPECTATIONS: Before it’s time to embark on a new or non preferred activity, review the steps involved and the behavior expected at each step. This may look one of two ways:
Let’s say your child struggles with bedtime routines; They run away from the bathroom, they play with their toys instead of getting dressed. BEFORE beginning your bedtime routine (and especially before the onset of refusal behavior), list the steps involved and remind your child of their reward, for instance, “we need to take a bath, put on your jammies, brush your hair and brush your teeth. If you listen and follow directions, we can watch your favorite show before bed.”
This past weekend, my 4-year-old was faced with unchartered territory; She was to attend her first wake and funeral. Before leaving and while in the car, we reviewed the expectations and steps for each part of the day; You’ll get to decide whether to see an open casket, we keep quiet during the service, we say hello to distant or unfamiliar relatives, etc. Once a child knows what to expect and how to react, the event may seem less scary and more manageable. Pro tip: don’t go anywhere without food! Allow your child to take break and, if they’ve behaved appropriately thus far, offer a treat while you debrief or decompress.
VISUAL SCHEDULES: As adults, we wake up knowing what is in store for the day ahead. It provides us with clarity and a sense of accomplishment (or even relief) as we complete each activity. We know that after a particularly challenging event, there may be something to look forward to, like going home! Now, imagine that you’re being dragged from one place to another without the slightest hint as to when it will all end. Welcome to childhood, where days seem endless and confusion lies around every corner! Use a visual schedule to prepare your child for the day ahead. Review the schedule during breakfast and again after each item is completed. Encourage participation by letting your child cross off each activity once it’s complete and reciting the following step.